No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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