Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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