So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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