Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
