$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
