I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
