And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
NoShamevember. You game?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
