I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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