This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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