Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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