i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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