See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
