Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
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