upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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