508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
