hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
