The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I want a musical about memes.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
