DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
My day in three words: secret purse cake
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
