I wannas sexs uuuuu
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
