Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
