This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
