she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
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