Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
