Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Randomize
