We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
