I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Randomize
