The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
