It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
