my soul wont recognize me after tonight
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I wish there were birth control emojis
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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