just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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