You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
