I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
