you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
