in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
