nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
