Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
