if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
