I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
