I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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