Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
