I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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