I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
