I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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