some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
