i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
