Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
