I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
