My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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