At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
