Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
