She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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