ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
