Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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